Proximity
by RevengefulAddict
Summary: After being so far away for so long, Naruto is faced with a flood of emotions of suddenly standing so close to the one he's chased after...even if that someone is about to take his life. Oneshot, Shounen-ai, shippuuden spoiler.


Disclaimer: I do not own naruto and I do not make money off my writings. blah blah blah.  
Warning: this is shounen-ai. Don't like it, don't read it. There's a back button for a reason.

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Proximity.

Oh you're so close. So far you've been from me, and now, before I can even blink, you're right in front of me. Your scent…you've changed so much, yet you still smell the same as back when we used to train in the forests, the training grounds, and always we were together. That musky scent of masculinity, mixed with something unidentifiable that is uniquely you. For a fraction of a second, I breathe in, and feel a hint of comfort from all the memories…but then it fades.

Your hand rests on my shoulder, while the other reaches for the katana strapped to your back. You didn't take my life then, you say, but now you will, "on a whim" of your own. Go ahead. Take my life. You taunt me of not having reached my goals, but it's all your fault. Or perhaps it is mine. Perhaps I'm just so afraid of losing you completely, that I can't do anything but chase you and beg you to come back to me. I deserve your emotional jabs for being so weak for you.

You pull your sword out, but I don't move. I could push you away, but I'd rather die with your body close to mine, whispering in my ear…even if you're whispering my death. Do you understand how I feel? Surely, one hand on my shoulder, you can feel how I'm relaxed. Does this confuse you like it confuses me?

The blade is in the air now, and I can feel you have no intent to relent. Why do you want to end my life? Once, we were best friends, and even on the day you left me, you admitted that it wasn't worthless. So if it was worth something then, shouldn't it still be worth something now? Or maybe you're not trying to kill me, but the emotions you feel inside. Perhaps me being so close to you is haunting you, plaguing you with guilt and reminding you of what it was like to be loved.

Of course we all loved you; that's why our other teammate stands still as a stone, despite her ability to crush any earth in her way. That's why our former teacher cannot be here today, because he is hospitalized from our previous attempt to bring you home. That is why I stand here, about to let you take my life, because I'll be damned if I ever stab you in the chest like you would stab me in the back. But they don't love you like I do. Perhaps she does, or thinks she does, but if I dare say I love you more.

I don't think I have to explain it. I love you in the way I would let you take my life, because being deservingly slain by your sword, with your beautiful face as my last vision, is far more satisfying than going on living with futile attempts to bring you home, knowing deep inside that there's no chance you'll ever come back to me.

I savor the closeness between you and I; the emotional closeness…they call it bonds. By taking my life, you will tighten the bond between you and me even further. You will never forget me, because I will be the one blood stain on your hands that will never fade with time. My blood will bear meaning, it will remind you of how it felt to be loved, and from that, our bond is assured. You cannot sever this bond, and that gives me peace.

But I also savor the closeness between you and I; the physical closeness…it's called proximity. You stand so close to me, I can feel your breath on my ear. And your body, which has grown from boy to man in the years we've been apart, radiates heat that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The sun, the intensity…all a rush of blood through my body, fighting the calm which assures me a sweet goodbye. But even more, you'll never know, that what makes my body stand still is this closeness.

If proximity is the death of me, then so be it. All this time I've waited to be so close to you that it's consumed me. Like a drug addict, wouldn't it be ironic, to die of the drug I'm addicted to? Wouldn't it be a perfect, fitting ending for me, to die by your proximity?

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RA: okay so this is a little philosophical oneshot I came up with after watching shippuuden 51-52 and wondering how it Naruto must have felt to have his personal space bubble popped by the one person he's been chasing after for so long. I salute the kid--I would have fainted on the spot XD.


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